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CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE REACHED THE REAL BIG FAT JOEYCAT

(too bad if you were looking for real big fat tits, real big fat asses, or real big fat car salesmen)

 

ENTER NOW

 

 

Welcome to THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat.  I'm big, I'm fat, watch me bulge like crazy.

SHOES MAKE ANYONE LOOK BETTER

Gold Doubloons    Do Right Cafe

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Fat Cat Focus  Fat Cat Roundtable  Fat Cat Journal  Catfish Commentary  Doin's  Big Fat Brother

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About
    ISN'T IT TIME TO EAT RIGHT AT DO RIGHT?
Fat Cat Focus  by THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat

Why I hate Big Phat Smitty

First let me welcome you to Fat Cat Focus.  It's a forum for truth.  It's a venue for time-honored wisdom.  It's my own little "me to you".  With that out of the way, let me explain why I hate Big Phat Smitty.  I don't want to waste any words: he's lame, he's a daisy-weed dickhead, his momma's got craw daddies up her ass!  Be sure to check back soon for more Fat Cat Focus.

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CLAIM YOUR SHARE OF GOLD DOUBLOONS
Fat Cat Roundtable  by THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat

Why I genuinely despise Big Phat Smitty

First let me welcome you to Fat Cat Roundtable.  It's a forum for time-honored wisdom.  It's a venue for truth.  It's my own little "hey, how you".  With that out of the way let me explain why I genuinely despise Big Phat Smitty.  I don't want to beat around the bush: he's lame, he's a juicy watusi, his momma's got bark on her tits!  Don't forget to check back soon for another Fat Cat Roundtable.

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Catfish Commentary  by Pearl Cousteau

How I overcame my reservations and agreed to do this insipid column

First let me welcome you to Catfish Commentary.  It's a venue for the official views of the United Daughters of the Fountain, and as such it's a forum of truth for women everywhere.  Plus, it's my own little diatribe against filthy, stinking men.  That's right-- filthy, stinking men.  With that out of the way let me explain how I overcame my reservations and agreed to do this insipid column.

When THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat called and offered this space, I was very hesitant for a couple of reasons.  First, since I live in the UK I worried it would be impossible to maintain editorial control from such a long distance.  Second, while TRBFJC thoroughly abhors Big Phat Smitty,  I think they both suck.  Clearly, they're a couple of slimy, egotistical chauvinists (although it's worth noting they both have huge dicks).

After reflecting for thirty seconds I decided to go ahead and give it a try.  As part of the deal, TRBFJC said I could e-mail the columns.  This addresses both my concerns.  Using e-mail I will never have to look at or even talk to TRBFJC (much less Big Phat Smitty).   Additionally, since I have special, sisters-only United Daughters of the Fountain software on my computer every e-mail I send will be protected by the patented Lady Lock feature.  TRBFJC won't be able to tamper with one word of my copy because, take it from me, nothing can break a Lady Lock. 

So check back soon for another Catfish Commentary. 

Editors note: Raised on a Welsh cucumber farm, Pearl Cousteau is the founder and former head of the United Daughters of the Fountain, an organization dedicated to bridging the gap between farm gals and city women. Email Pearl

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CLAIM YOUR SHARE OF GOLD DOUBLOONS
Doin's  your community event super-site

City Hall Yard Sale and Office Equipment Blow Out (Mistyburgh, Ohio)
Hundreds of exciting items at prices you can't beat at Mistyburgh's 10th annual City Hall Yard Sale.  Highlights: framed facials of former mayors Young (14), Black (14), Peters (14), and Hooker (13); Packard-Bell 386 desktop computers (2); key to the city cork screws (996); desk (1); swivel chair (1); staplers (3). Arrive early to snatch these bargains.

Guardians of the Hill All Meat Sloppy Joe-Off (Middleo, North Dakota)
Join neighbors and out-of-towners for the best hot sandwich contest anywhere in the Dakotas.  In addition to games and prizes, loud recorded music will be played over the PA.  Suggested donation still only $2.00

Walk to Stay Fit (Slut, Nebraska)
As something new and exciting during Slut Days, the one and three quarter mile All Sluts Walk will be held.

Parade of the Out of Control Fatty Fats (South Slut, Nebraska)
As something new and exciting during South Slut Days, the one block Out of Control Fat Parade will be held.  Whether you're a fat woman, a fat man, a fat girl, a fat boy, or just a fat Slut--  your fat ass needs to be at our parade!  Fat chicks, especially nude and/or naked fat chicks are especially urged to participate.  Please do not confuse our parade with the "Walk to Stay Fit" or our town with our neighbor to the north. 

Dick Kaybrew Celebration (Justapause, Idaho)
5 day fair & fest in honor of hometown hero Dick Kaybrew.  Ferris wheel WILL return this year.  Free admission coupon from Butch Burger with purchase of any Big Butch Combo.

Month of Bingo  (Teninch, Arkansas)
Hey ladies bring your lucky charms and wild ambitions 'cause October is Teninch Bingo Month.  Many large prizes available.  Thousands come from all over to take on Teninchers in this yearly event.  Stretch your legs during fun breaks and enjoy the Teninch Trio performing nightly.  Doors open wide every night at 7.

Sack Race Regionals (Cuntoba, Manitoba)
For the sixth year in a row Cuntoba will host the Mid-Southwest Manitoba Single Sack Tournament.  A field of 30 sackers is expected.  Also held during this four day gathering will be the Miss Mid-Southwest Manitoba Single Sack Beauty Pageant, a new production of Oklahoma! by the Cuntoba Players, and the Mid-Southwest Manitoba Single Sack Parade.  Entrance forms for both the race and the pageant are available at the Cuntoba Municipal Building.  Advanced tickets for the Cuntoba Players are available at Cuntoba Pharmacy or Bing's Cuntoba  Market.

Fun with Fructose Festival (Sticky Plains, South Dakota)
8 days of delight celebrating the magic of corn syrup.  Three different exhibits.  More details as they become noteworthy, if they become noteworthy.

Cock Fight and Fried Chicken Feast (Mama, Indiana)
64 round death match with fry bucket at ringside.  We'll dip 'em as they drop.  All you can eat only $8.00.  Please be sure to join us this year as we celebrate our anniversary. This will be the twenty-fifth time Mama has hosted the "Big Cock".

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  ISN'T IT TIME TO EAT RIGHT AT DO RIGHT?

Big Fat Brother   

Welcome to Big Fat Brother- home of the Big Fat interview.  Our guest this time around is none other than THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat himself. 

Big Fat Brother: Thanks for sitting down with us Joeycat.  I know how busy you are and that you're smack dab between booty calls.

THE REAL Big Fat Joeycat: Glad to be here Big Fat Brother.  You're my main man-- ain't worried about no booty call.  Glad to be here with my Big Fat Bro.  Just don't call me Joeycat.

BFB: Why's that?

TRBFJC: Well, as you know my real name is REAL Big Fat Dick, but I didn't want to use my real name on this website.

BFB: Oh.  

TRBFJC: Yeah, but, I'm having some serious second thoughts. This Joeycat thing is way lame.

BFB: So you're going drop Joeycat and rename the site?

TRBFJC: Probably.

BFB: To REAL Big Fat Dick.

TRBFJC: Probably not. I still don't want to use my real name. 

BFB: To what then?

TRBFJC: Well, I don't know at this point.  We've been thinking about several things.

BFB: Like what?

TRBFJC: Well, let's see.  REAL Big Fat Pussy.  That would keep the cat thing going. Or, REAL Big Fat Bitch. That would be move us to the dog thing.  Of course we've considered REAL Big Fat Britney Spears. That would move us to the cow thing.  I kind of like that though. You know, the sound of it-- REAL Big Fat Britney Spears.  Has a nice ring to it-- and we could include a picture-- a big fat lady picture-- a big fat Britney Spears with big fat tits big fat lady picture.  Wow!  But where would we get one of those?  Hmmmm.  Well, I'm sure we could find one somewhere.  We could get a big fat woman picture off the internet and doctor it up.  Or we could get a big fat baby picture and doctor that up.  Does a big fat baby have big fat tits though?  Well we'd just doctor it up more.  Hmmmm.  Why not?!  Hmmmm.  Of course we also thought of just naming the site after you.

BFB: Big Fat Brother?

TRBFJC: No, Big Fat Idiot. 

BFB: Very funny.

TRBFJC: Just kidding bro. Just kidding.  Although that might not be bad.  Big Fat Idiot.  Or maybe The REAL Big Fat Stupid Idiot. Hmmmm. 

BFB: Hate to bring up a sore subject, but what about your arch web rival Big Phat Smitty?  Will he change his name too?

TRBFJ: Hard to tell with that fool. He'd probably copy whatever we do. If we're The REAL Big Boobs, he'd be Really Big Boobs, or something like that. If we were The REAL Big Fat Britney Spears, he'd be Big Phat Britney Spears.  I don't know.  I'll tell you this though, I'm sick of thinking about him and his stinking crap.  Big Phat STINKING BITCH. That's what he is.

BFB: Well, I know how much you despise and abhor Big Phat Smitty.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see because we're out of time, and I know you've got that big booty call waiting.  Thanks so much for chatting with us REAL Big Fat Dick.

TRBFJC: Anytime bro. You're my main man.  My Big Fat Bro.  My Big Fat Idiot Bro.

BFB: Right on Big Fat Dick. Thanks again.

TRBFJC: Well, thank-you Big Fat Bro.

BFB: Ok, well that'll do it. Thanks.

TRBFJC: You know-- it's like I always say.  Red birds are red, blue birds are blue, and the few orange birds flying around, well they're orange.

BFB: Say what?!?!

TRBFJC: Orange.

BFB: Huh?!?!

TRBFJC: Orange.

BFB: Well, ok, thanks.

TRBFJC: Well, thank you.

BFB: Well, you're very welcome.

TRBFJC: Well, you're very welcome too, Big Fat Idiot Bro.

An acknowledged fake interviewer, Big Fat Brother is a 5th degree Booty Black Belt among other awsome credentials.

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About The Real Big Fat Joeycat--  Very big, very fat.

Got loads o' time on your hands?  Send the fat one an email

Finally, there is no such thing as Weather Jethro

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